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Emotionally Unavailable – This means unavailable for a mutually fulfilling, healthy relationship.
Dodgy attitude towards sex – This is about very different sexual values.They start out with small stuff and then bit by bit increase their level of input.Jealousy and possessiveness is control, not love and especially when experienced early on or it increases bit by bit where you feel like you have to justify, explain yourself, and let them keep track of you.Irresponsible – irresponsible with life in general – bills, rent, job and borrows money off you? Not being good with money and having a weakness for shoes isn’t a code red but not being good with money and gambling it, their house, or whatever away is.Wants to move in after you’ve known them a wet week? Sleeping With Others – If you’re OK with being part of a casual ‘relationship’, this is code amber as you still need to proceed with caution and ensure your own emotional and physical safety.Some things are a flat out code red and I have marked it with FOCR.
Addicted to something (FOCR) – If you meet someone and they are addicted to something (gambling, sex, alcohol, drugs, etc) and not aware of it and doing something about it, this will impact on your life greatly if you continue.
If you are unsure of what you’re experiencing, it’s code amber, evaluate the situation, throw some icy water over your feelings and plans, 100% eyes and ears open, and try to have a conversation with them about it.
But if this is within days or weeks (certainly within the first 3 months), code red.
The chief problem that I come across time and again with people faced with code red behaviour is that we don’t do what we’re supposed to – opt out.
Instead, we analyse the crapola out of it, blame ourselves, minimize the extent of the problem, assume we know better (we don’t), or decide that us and our love make us the exception to the rule.
Anybody trying to pursue you while with someone else is shady.